I channeled Miss Emily Litela today as a parent chaperone on a field trip to the subversive produce mecca of the 17th Street Market, though I didn’t realize it at the time. For those of you not fortunate enough to be reared by parents who worked late into the night, thus allowing you unfettered access to comedians like the brilliant Gilda Radner, take a gander:
Oh, Big Brother and I spent hours dotting and crossing on Mom’s chalkboard! Perhaps this goes some distance explaining why I’m such a teacher groupie, or why I adore the cardigan, or why I can’t pee in the ocean. I think this skit was probably the inspiration behind my brother and I silently, or loudly, saying, “Vacuum!” to one another, though we did occasionally say, “Olive juice,” as well. There was no sport in letting our parents presume we liked each other. Our alliance was forged in secret. Such subversiveness allowed us far more nefarious activity than we otherwise would have enjoyed. When Big Brother is watching over you, you get to hang out at Expresso Royale. Oh, yes. And it went without saying there was nary a snitch about our willfully impious cherry vanilla Italian sodas or peppermint tea brewed in a French press. OUI!
That must have been when all went wrong. Espresso Royale, secret codes, and Miss Emily Litela. “Vacuum? I just did it yesterday. F*** you? Oh. That’s different! Nevermind.” But today was about olive juice with the kid I can actually claim to love in public without Olympic eye gymnastics. Hawt Mz invited us to name our favorite part of the market. Just because I played rugby doesn’t make me a fish fan, but I gotta say the fish monger was my favorite. Brett must have known because he took a picture. And looky who’s there with me!
Yes! I looked deep into the eyes of Emily Litela and hadn’t a clue as she and I mirrored each other’s every move and gesture and indoctrinating comment to future voters of America. At the same time, I think I’m an adequate foil to Hawt Mz, who made fun of me for taking my group to the frozen food isle to admire the ice cream and define decadent for first and second grade students. That’s right! They can’t hear POTUS tell them to stay in school, but it’s totally cool for Emily Litela to define decadent. And that my friends, is nefarious.
Wow. That's kind of . . . uncanny.
I still think we need to cut back on the violins.
Why would we reduce violins in the school? Music is good for children. It teaches them discipline and keeps them out of the gutter! What? Violence? Oh. That's different. Nevermind.
I'm too stupid to UNDERSTAND what you blog.
But gratefully, i can READ every word.
Your overuse of nefarious is impressive.
i stand corrected.
upon rereading, you only used nefarious ONCE.
my bad.
I use nefarious TWICE. It's a great word. Flagrantly impious. Maybe even dastardly! Think twisting mustaches and evil schemes. I hear the "Holla" PTO Prez is nefarious. Maybe worse. By allowing admittance to all, she's downright SOCIALIST!
I used "nefarious" in court this morning, along with "bombast and bluster." I'm looking for a way to work "curmudgeon" into a hearing later this week. I just have to make sure it's before a different judge lest I press my luck.