So last night I had to be in the bathroom long enough for a woman to dye her hair. I’m not saying I dyed my hair, I’m just saying I was in the bathroom that long. While I was in there, I removed mineral deposits from the shower head. Soak, scrape, soak, scrape.

After picking at white rock cakes with metal prongs for 45 minutes and then getting into the shower, something glorious happened. Large, soft caresses of water fell down upon me like rain drops. I could actually determine the water temperature because I wasn’t focused on the icy burn of a singe drop of water shooting out at a zillion miles per hour straight into my eye.

My rejoicing was short lived. For one thing, I don’t get nearly the exfoliating I had previously. Additionally, I relied on that bullet of water to blast out hair dye from under my fingernails. I mean, it sometimes happens when my friend asks me to color her hair and, oh, point is that sputtering drop magically removed grime from under my fingernails. Also, we lost the low flow feature of the crusty shower head and my hands pruned up. All that work to make something great just back fired.

That’s how my karma works out at the moment. As with last night’s shower, I had early indications today that my labor may bear bitter fruit. After a series of frustrated errands, tasks, and obligations, I found myself this morning in a public restroom. The automatic flushing toilet provided me with an unwelcome bidet experience as I reached for toilet paper.

I quit.

8 thoughts on “Drowning

  1. populistpugilist says:

    On the topic, O’Hare airport’s toilets have these automatic thingies that rotate a new plastic covering into place on the seat–rotating at roughly the speed of a supercolliding superconductor, that is. Sometimes the little infrared thing gets tripped just as you’re making your descent, and you can lose some valuable skin. BEWARE!

  2. Anonymous says:

    I hate hard water…I go to habitat for humanity about 1X monthly to make sure they don’t have shower heads. Last year I bought 3 showermassaging heads. I have 1 left. Best 20 bucks I ever spent. I hate bidets. If I wanted to shoot water up my ass, I’d go down a waterslide.

    I feel your pain, sista.

  3. John says:

    A NEW showerhead?!?

    Why, young lady, I can remember when we dissolved the hard water deposits in vinegar, put the bowl out in the yard and when the sun warmed the concoction, we called it “soup” and spooned it in like nobodies’ business.

    In between walking 20 miles to school in the snow uphill both ways.

    Gasoline only cost 2 cents a gallon, but nobody I knowed owned a car. We lived in cardboard houses.

    We used rat droppings for marbles and the rat skins to cover the holes in our shoe. We only had one shoe for the whole family.

    Yes, what we would have given for a NEW showerhead, Gar, I hate to think. But, then, none of our cardboard homes had running water or heat.

    The women didn’t dye their hair, neither. Just added another layer of mud and good to go.

    They’d a been proud to have nothing but hair dye under their nails, seein’ as how the lack of toilet paper made picking your nose bothersome.

    spendthrifts! this whole dang generation of young kids, all alike.

    Get off my lawn!


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